For the First Time.

Today, as I was teaching a mini lesson to a small group of students, I started to tear up just thinking about how far I have come.

For the first time in my teaching career, I felt confident in my abilities to teach effectively.

For the first time, I felt like I was in fact a good teacher.

For the first time, I felt like it was possible to enjoy what I worked so hard to become.

For the first time, I wholeheartedly felt that radiance in being a teacher.

For the first time, I felt a calm in my bones.

For the first time, I felt like I could keep going. I could keep breathing.

For the first time, I felt like it was attainable. It was attainable to be good. And I was just in reach of seeing that dream come to life.

I spent WAYYY too long in a school that crushed me. That told me I wasn’t good enough. That refused to believe in my abilities and my heart for kids. That nitpicked everything I did and every way I taught. That told me to yell at my students because my voice was too soft. Side note: one coworker even told me to treat them like a dog to make them sit – those were exact words from their mouth.

I was bruised, scared, and hopeless.
I know have said this before – heck I made a whole post about it – but this school has truly changed my entire perspective. I never thought I’d feel confident in my teaching abilities. I never thought I would feel like I was a good teacher. Never thought I’d even be considered a good teacher. And I sure as heck never thought my coworkers AND administration would support me.

In my final observation last year, my principal noted that she sees how hard I have worked all year to continue to grow and learn. No principal has ever taken the time to notice the good in me – or even express it to me. And to encourage me. She ended with “build that confidence in yourself. You deserve that!”

Honestly I read that and didn’t think it’d ever happen…

BUT

I have found that.

I have found what true leadership looks like.

I have found friends.

I have found coworkers who build me up – coworkers who work as a team – coworkers who encourage me to be the best ME.

I have found my confidence.

I say all this because it is possible to be your true self and be good at what you do – you don’t have to change to fit someone else’s mold. It is possible to find the support you deserve. It is possible to find solid ground, even when it seems like it’ll always be rocky.

It’s possible.