Expression.

A friend recently sent me this quote:

“The opposite of depression is expression.”

Expression – that’s exactly what this blog is for me. I spent the last nine or so months bawling because I didn’t have the words to express my emotions. I felt like I was drowning and I didn’t know what to do. Sometimes I hit a wall and nothing could knock it down. I couldn’t eat. I had trouble falling asleep. And no matter how long I slept I was still exhausted the next day. My go to was and is to take a nap to calm my emotions. This usually works, but it doesn’t help with my ability to fall asleep at night. So I would go to TJMaxx or Target, but that costs money, and when you don’t have all the money in the world that adds an extra piece of sadness that could have been avoided. So I tried to find an outlet. I began writing down my thoughts in my worst moments, but those thoughts became dark. They spoke death not life. I thought it was helping me. I would send those words to my husband so he could see a glimpse into my mind, even he didn’t realize the darkness he would soon read. The past few months this is what I did, and I didn’t really notice too much of a change. Sure it was nice to write down my thoughts, but when your thoughts can turn as dark as mine you don’t want to ever keep that close. Over the recent weeks I knew something needed to change. I recently bought a Peloton – a crazy purchase I know, but I soon found it to be one of the smartest purchases my husband and I made thus far. My body was moving again, and not just to walk the dog. But my mind still needed help, so I decided to blog. I needed an outlet. I loved writing in high school and college. I missed going to school and learning daily, so why not try it out. I needed something. I needed a place to write my thoughts in a cohesive manner. That’s what this is for me. It’s a place to share my heart and my soul. It’s where I come to express myself. To express my every being. I refuse to stay in a depressive state. So here I am writing these words and sharing my thoughts. Take them or leave them. This is simply for me.